Every guy in the world knows what this is all about. His hot girlfriend is photographed by paparazzi frolicking around in a swimming pool with another guy she calls a “friend.” She claims that Cheyne Thomas is “just a friend” and she probably means it that way. But guys don’t mean it that way. They never do.

Photo: Cheyne Thomas

Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend and fiance is Liam Hemsworth, the rugged Australian actor and handsome hunk any woman would be happy to bed. What she did to him in the tabloid press is cut his balls off, to coin an old Irish expression that my dad used for such circumstances when clueless girlfriends assaulted the very essence of manhood.

Yes, men are about possessions and nothing about that biological detail has changed since the cavemen days despite the feminist liberation movement that has attempted to strangle biology in the last two generations. Men like their cars, their poker games, their girlfriends, and their affairs. They are simple creatures. There is nothing complicated about men at all, but mess with the very few things they actually care about in life and you are asking for hell to pay.

About Cheyne Thomas, Miley offered a Twitter explanation to her fans that she thinks should make the problem go away. “I love my fiance and he loves me. All the rest is bull sh-t. We get to live a life of happiness no one can take that away from us!”

At 19 years old she is giving him way too much credit, and her limited experience is revealing the young star as naive. It may be fine with her to have friends who are boys hanging around, and she probably thinks nothing of it. But to Liam, I’m guessing a very different feeling is deep inside him today, and viscerally we all know that what she is doing is taboo. Relationships don’t work out when the girl doesn’t play along with the possession game.

Here and especially here are the dangerous pics but enough of the soapbox for now. So who is Cheyne Thomas? That’s what we asked and assigned ourselves the duty to figure it out in the defense of men everywhere.

For one he is a guy who likes to smoke and swear, sort of playing the part of a wannabe bad boy. You can find Cheyne’s Twitter page over here where you are confronted with a hairy guy with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth who proclaims “damned if i do, damned if i mother f-ckin dont.” So we’ve made a good start in our quest.

We notice a recent tweet eluding to his is-it-or-is-it-not homewrecking. “Not sure if u guys realize it or not but you can hang out with ur friend and look happy and be having fun..there’s nothing wrong with that..” and then another that says “People should learn to be happy for others and not always try to ruin everything they’re happy as hell let them have that.”

If he really believes that dribble than he is either an idiot or a devilish fiend. Above all he is a dude, and he should know that messing with Miley’s boyfriend is going to get him a world of unwanted publicity. But he deserves it IMHO, because he isn’t an idiot. Even if she wasn’t famous, and we were talking about John Doe and Jane Poe, what he did was oh so wrong in the guy handbook.

Next we looked for his Facebook page and found four of them with his likeness on them and none look like fan pages. One of them is this one and you can find the others yourself. It is possible he has fan pages as our man has 40,000 Twitter followers because of his friendship with you know who, and it is also possible that men with large egos have four Facebook pages, and it is also entirely possible some of them are fakes.

As best we can tell he lives in Los Angeles and likes to hang with a hottie named Cherie Daly who looks a little too much like Miley but that’s not his fault. Cheyne Thomas appears to be from a little town called Little Chute, Wisconsin, although that may be a reference to his anatomy. Just kidding.

Reader thoughts on this fine mess?