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Now I’ve seen everything. Perhaps the most bizarre act ever seen on network television aired on “America’s Got Talent” this season, and that act belongs to none other than Zac Gordon. He is known to friends as The Horse, but he might be more appropriately called The Squirrel given that his act is all about smashing nuts.

Photo: Zac Gordon

We’ll let the video speak for itself. In it you can see that Zac is doing what every man dreams of in a sense. He is letting any woman who wants touch his nuts. Not just touch, mind you, but bang away on them like hookers on a millionaire. America’s Got Talent alright, and Zac is showing us what we are capable of when we want to excel in society.

Of course it isn’t just women who get in on the act. Men too. Zacs entire act is about lying prone while people break boards across his private parts, smash bricks, punch, kick, scratch, and otherwise attempt to give him sore nuts. All this in the interest of entertainment, mind you.

On a serious note, Zac Gordon’s act represents a new low in reality television. There was a time that people would have been confined to the psychiatric ward in a hospital for less. The fact that he was unanimously voted on to the next round by the judges show us that our cultural depravity is still not capable of finding a bottom. People find this sort of thing entertaining, and for that we can all be very, very sad.

I know. Shut up. It’s just television. It’s just entertainment, so lighten up. On a high note, who can’t help but be interested in the most bizarre act in television history brought to you in living color by a man called The Horse? Now watch the Zac Gordon video below and tell us what you think. Or don’t if you want to finally take a stand for our American culture.

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